I Love You But I’m Letting Go
February 27, 2009 § 1 Comment
On Wednesday I had the chance to speak with an older female IV leader about the one overwhelming aspect of my life right now, and by God’s grace she was able to speak truth into my life, revealing some things that I didn’t even know I was struggling with. It helped, but the hurt only deepened once I understood it, and is now giving way to anger.
Unlike despair, in which I can wallow miserably, anger makes me restless. I want to throw things, to get out. I want to go home. I want to confront people. But most of all, I just want my life back. But some people have to go and make things complicated…
I also wish I could stop pretending to be fine. Some of it is self-wrought, a defense mechanism because talking about it is painful even when I laugh about it. Some of it is caused by the fact that the world moves on, and even my closest friends can’t understand what I’m going through. Sometimes it’s not pretending, but most of the time I still carry around a darkness that I cannot yet release.
I can’t stop listening to this song: