February 28, 2009 § 2 Comments

This phrase is becoming rather ubiquitous, almost on par with “wtf”. Somebody’s Facebook status alerted me to the website, where people describe the unfortunate circumstances in their lives that cause them to utter that phrase. Reading these really makes me feel better about the more miserable parts of my life.

These are a few of the funnier ones I’ve chosen:

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said “I believe in you, -Mom.” FML

Today, I left my glasses at home and while walking to the bus stop I saw the cutest girl on on the street smiling and waving at me from her front yard, I happily waved back smiling and kept going. It turned out that she was was crying and calling me over since her dad just had a heart attack. FML

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidently texted “I’m going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament” to my ex-fiance, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

Today, I got accepted to Yale University. My parents response: “We never expected you to get into college. We spent all of our savings on sending your brother to school.” FML

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: “love mom.” FML

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

And the funniest one of all:

Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML


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