Do You See What I See?
March 23, 2009 § Leave a comment
This is what I saw.
Knowing what’s right makes the wrong even more heartbreaking.
After dinner today I went for a walk around the neighborhood to clear my head. Even though spring break has just begun, I’ve already had more than enough chaos. I suppose even though my brother is growing taller and my parents are growing older, nothing at home really changes. A smooth facade is easily shattered by the obstinacy of an adolescent boy and the impatience of two incapable parents. I feel like I have enough experience to become an actual family counselor.
And let’s not forget the BU, as much as I would like to. It was awkward seeing [and avoiding] him yesterday. This afternoon, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist was playing on TV — I had zero interest in this when it came out, but J watched it sometime this semester and loved it, and he was keen on us watching it together. So I watched it today, partly in honor of him, and partly to see what the big deal was about.
As I suspected, the film was just another frivolous teen romance. I mean, it wasn’t disgustingly cheesy, but it wasn’t much more than two teenagers trying to find “love” [or something]. And the supporting characters were completely one-dimensional and uninteresting.
Anyway, I walked from my house to the elementary school playground and watched the sunset while listening to sad songs on my iPod [which is on the verge of dying…not good]. My favorite: Piano Man by Brandy. How true these words:
Play me a song about heartache / I promise I could sing every word
But God met me as I slouched in the swing, the wind blowing my hair into disheveled tangles. And through my tears, I gave it up to Him. I’m not going to let the questions plague me anymore — does he still love me? If not, why not? Could we still end up together? [How could he be so heartless?]
It doesn’t matter anymore. What we shared is gone, and my future is not with him. I can have peace about it now. As for family problems, well, that will take much longer to clean up. But I know God is there.
On my walk back, Another Heart Calls by the All American Rejects came on. Although not in the full context of the lyrics, these lines stood one to me:
Everything that matters breaks in two / Say it’s true / I’ll never ask for anyone but you
I looked up into the sky’s radiant clouds and prayed those words to God. I hope to never forget what He has brought me through.
The Aftermath
March 20, 2009 § 2 Comments
One consequence of the BU* that I’ve noticed is that almost immediately, I’m having more trouble trusting guys.
After breaking up with the first ex, I also had trust issues, especially regarding infidelity [granted, I was never married, but it’s the best word I have to describe the issue]; whenever J hung out one-on-one with other girls, I kind of freaked out, no matter who she was. I was in the process of getting over those insecurities when this BU happened, and now I have trust issues of a different kind — it was a different kind of BU.
I didn’t recognize this until very recently. Now, when I feel like a guy is getting too friendly out of the blue, I automatically wonder what he wants from me. Just a friend, or something more? Some of this apprehension arises from rational bases — friends have told me that so-and-so is clearly flirting with me, so it’s not just my own paranoia. Other times, though, I wonder why I immediately suspect somebody of having an ulterior motive. Although it’s easy to wonder why somebody would start FB chatting me up every day out of the blue with no initiation on my part — and there are three separate occurrences of this.
Urgh. Is there a point to psychoanalyzing myself at 4AM? Is it helpful?
Probably not. I think I’m just stalling because I don’t want to write my article…
I’m excited for spring break, but I do wish I was heading to some exotic locale [I miss Hawaii~] instead of closer in proximity to him. Will it be awkward? Will he avoid me? Hmmm so many questions that I wish I could purge from my mind. Even attention from other guys can’t fully take my mind off of it, though it would help if they were more attractive, heh. Why are there no hot people at my school?!?
. . .
*How I will henceforth refer to the “breakup”. While we were together, we referred to this as “the B word” and I still have an aversion to the word for some reason.
Meet Mini-Me
March 16, 2009 § 1 Comment
I’ve realized that I haven’t posted about video games on this blog yet, which is amazing because you don’t know me until you know how much I love Nintendo. I mean, I’m certainly not a super-fanatic [if I had the money, though, I’d be all over that], but I am deeply in love with my Wii.
At Walgreens over the weekend with Roomie #1, we were browsing the candy aisle and checking out the balogna and hot dog gum when my gaze fell upon a candy dispenser shaped like a Wii controller. OMG! It looked exactly like the real thing! Here is a comparison:
It’s so cute!!! I immediately knew that I had to have it. The fact that it dispensed candy was negligible; I just wanted a mini Wii controller. Unfortunately, none of the buttons actually press down except for B, which shoots out a Smarties shaped candy. The battery compartment does open, though. It fits, um, a battery. Or backup candy?
It came with a couple rolls of candy, two of which were labeled “Bubble Gum Smarties.” The taste is alright but the gum consistency is inferior. The two other rolls of candy, called “Au’some Candy Roll“, was literally the worst candy I’ve ever had other than black licorice. Some candy tastes wonderful, some taste just alright, but this candy tasted straight up NASTY. The website looks cute, but I urge you to never buy it. You would regret it.
In the meantime, my mini Wii controller is just hanging out uselessly until I buy some SweeTarts.
Punica Granatum
March 13, 2009 § Leave a comment
My little shrine of pomegranate food items.
I have unofficially undertaken the task of consuming and reviewing every pomegranate-flavored food item I come across.
At Target a few weekends ago, Roomie #1 and I were flitting around in the snack aisles when I saw the sign for the section titled “Good For You.” Laughing, I went over to investigate, and was delighted to discover Archer Farms Organic Pomegranate Fruit Strips. I have been a fan of the health benefits of fruit leathers since being introduced to them by my badminton coach, especially when compared to the high-fructose corn syrup content of Fruit Roll-Ups, which do not come in the trendy pomegranate flavor.
Unfortunately, pomegranate was the third ingredient on the list, after apple and pear juice, so the fruit strip just had a general fruit flavor with only a hint of the dry tanginess of actual pomegranates.
auradis 