Growing Pains: More Pain Than Growth
June 6, 2009 § 2 Comments
The sponsor my brother’s coach found for their traveling soccer team is Hooters [great choice, sir. I hate you]. They had a team dinner there after practice last week, which I loudly protested to my mother. Sure, the kids would all eat for free, and the chain had donated $500 to the team, but really? That really isn’t the wisest place to take a horde of 13-year-old boys, but maybe the partnership was deliberate.
My mother said that the decision to go would rest on Larry, and he appeared be in favor of eating with the rest of his team. Since my father was traveling that week, I decided to join them at Hooters so I wouldn’t have to eat at home by myself, and also to see what the restaurant was actually like. When my brother found out that I was going with them, however, he immediately voiced his opposition.
“Why are you coming with us?”
“Because I don’t want to eat dinner by myself…”
“I’m not going, then, if you’re coming.”
His swift change in attitude was inexplicable, and I ended up staying home. This was a good thing, I suppose, since I would have been wildly out of place. My mother later told me that the group separated into three tables — boys, mothers and fathers — and that the small table of women at which she sat consumed three large pitchers of beer, none of which was her contribution. Those soccer moms really know how to put it away…
Tastes Like Bacon…I Hate Bacon
June 5, 2009 § Leave a comment
I was sitting at my desk at 1:37AM trying to suppress a sudden and severe craving for Noodles & Co Mac and Cheese when I stumbled upon an antidote. The emptiness in my stomach remained, grumbling at me, but my desires for food fled.
Do you see that? Look closely. Those are ants. Giant toasted ants. And they apparently “taste like bacon.” Want more?
How about ants in your lollipop? They purportedly will give you an “energy boost.” Can you imagine handing these out at Halloween?
Or perhaps you would prefer Mopani worms? They’ll make an “interesting addition to dinner parties!” Sure, if by “interesting” they mean “I would only serve them to my mortal enemy or an annoying pest that I wanted to never return to my house.”
There are more selections like this at Edible.com, including reindeer paté [which I would actually consider eating] and weasel coffee [regurgitated by, not made from]. I will eat many things but I will never eat insects. I know they’re healthy, but they are by far too disgusting to even consider.
Go Your Own Way
June 4, 2009 § Leave a comment
I can’t believe that the first piece of advice my mom gave me regarding the break-up was that I shouldn’t be so concerned about finding a boyfriend who is Christian. What?! Not only does she clearly not know me at all, this is just another example of her total inability to express anything close to sympathy. I can tell that she’s pissed at him, though, which makes me feel a little better because at least she cares to some extent.
The second thing she told me was not to be so easy, although not in those exact words. She’s right…I need to be more careful, more calculating. “You do not need a boyfriend, nor will you lack one. For now, you need to focus on school and work,” she said, and though that is only an imperfect translation from the Chinese, that’s what I took her words to mean. It is perhaps the most [and only] empowering thing she’s ever told me.
When I told my dad I was going to go have a talk with J a few days ago, he asked me if I wanted to bring a knife. Ha ha.
[In other parental news, I saw my dad pat my mom on the butt while they were cooking dinner the other day. LOL.]
Monster
June 2, 2009 § Leave a comment
I see you now
For the monster you’ve always been
The tears have dried on my face
And I am no longer blind to your truth.
Your eyes contain nothing that I saw before;
I search for that light
But find only curious indifference.
Maybe you believed in the promises you made to me
Baby, I believed them too
But it didn’t take long for you to move on
To the next person.
I regret what we had.
If it was going to end like this,
I would have been better without you.
You will always be the same,
Falling hard and fast for another.
I wish you hadn’t
Dragged me down with you.
auradis 