So I Was Standing There…
April 20, 2009 § Leave a comment
Occurrences that make tooth-brushing awkward:
1. Sneezing
2. Coughing
3. Nosebleeds [yes I was in the MIDDLE of brushing my teeth when blood starting coming out]
4. The sudden & desperate urge to pee
5. Recalling that the toothbrush I’m using had previously been in the trash can
Although it did not happen while brushing my teeth, I still remember my worst nosebleed story. When I was about 8 or 9 years old, my family took a trip to Argentina for two weeks to accompany my father on his business trip. I don’t remember much about the place other than the fact that I was shocked that the little cart outside our hotel blatantly displayed porno mags on its outer walls. Naked ladies in public! My third-grade self could scarcely handle the scandal.
One sunny morning, I woke up early to use the bathroom. While washing my hands, my nose started to bleed. Being the youngster that I was, I didn’t really know how to stop a nosebleed. I thought that if I just shoved some tissue paper up my nostril and went about my business, it would go away. It didn’t. Fifteen minutes and half a roll of toilet paper later, my nose finally dried up. Since then, the internet has taught me how to calm the broken blood vessels in my nostrils, but that memory stays with me.
As for #5, all I will say is that my brother is not afraid to throw tantrums [it must be youngest child syndrome], and one night last summer my combs ended up in the toilet and my toothbrush in the garbage. I was livid. The coward went and hid under his covers and the only thing that kept me from strangling him was the fact that it was bedtime. Little punk! Don’t think I’ve forgotten!
Why Is Life So Hard?
April 18, 2009 § Leave a comment
All day Thursday, I was craving egg drop soup. Unfortunately, the only ingredients I had were eggs [I’d need ginger, green onions, and cornstarch apparently] and was therefore unable to make any for myself.
Friday morning, I decided I wanted some hardboiled eggs for breakfast. I stuck two in a pot of water and went about other business. When I returned to observe the balls of cholesterol merrily rolling around in the water, I noticed that one of them had a long crack in it. Hmmm, I thought, I’ll just leave it in there and see what happens.
As it turns out, when one tries boiling a cracked egg, the egg’s insides stream out to form cooked little ribbons that float around the water and makes the kitchen smell exactly as if I were making egg drop soup. Alas, the egg could not be saved.
gg, life. I give up.
//
I’ve found a use for leggings, which I despise, especially when they are worn as pants!
This is a disturbing article about the prevalence of surreptitious upskirt photography. It’s not a new topic, but it’s important that women are on the alert for these creeps, the better to kick them in the face when they attempt their shady business. Just another thing to worry about as a woman. Damn.
All In A Row
April 17, 2009 § 2 Comments
Tuesday was the second time that I drove in Columbia. It was also the second time I had driven in Columbia using somebody else’s car for the first time [don’t think about that one too hard; it makes sense, I promise].
This time, I drove Roomie #1’s car home from the bank after we went to the mall. Who goes shopping on a Tuesday, you ask? Well, it certainly was a nice almost-mid-week pick-me-up. At the bank, I exchanged my $20 bill for some quarters to feed the parking meters since her on-campus parking spot is located literally a mile away from where we live. I was going to borrow her car the next day, so I needed to become accustomed to her vehicle [I’m thankful that people trust me with their cars, but there’s no reason not to, since my record is spotless].
We planned to leave the car at a meter overnight, which meant that I had to try parallel parking for the first time since junior year of high school. When I say parallel parking, I mean parking-on-the-street-between-two-cars, not simply rolling up next to the curb [if I couldn’t do that by now, I might as well ride a bike for the rest of my life]. This created some unease within me, especially a fear that I might crack under the pressure of having Roomie #1 in the passenger seat watching me as well as the potential for there to be a whole line of cars behind me trying to pass as I fumbled around on the street [it was rush hour, after all].
A Visionary
April 11, 2009 § 2 Comments
I asked him to meet me in the Fine Arts Building, where I go regularly to use the pianos in the numerous practice rooms on the second floor. We had met once before, as part of the music team at my church. He had told me that he used to lead worship for the IHOP in KC, which were some pretty impressive credentials [especially for a freshman in college], and his guitar playing reflected enormous talent.
We were meeting because he had asked me if I was interested in joining his BHOP music team; the idea appealed to me but I needed more details. Our chat didn’t exactly turn out the way I expected, though.
Throughout our meeting, he threw out all kinds of ideas that I had never really considered [or just considered minimally]. The first was that apparently, the vision of IHOP is based in Isaiah 56, which he showed me in his Bible after asking me if I read mine. Awkward question, but he said, “Some Christians don’t read their Bibles…” by way of explanation.
I don’t know if he was nervous or just wanted to placate any apprehensions I might’ve harbored, but he used that phrase a lot. At one point he asked me how I felt about speaking in tongues, and then about physical healing through prayer [growing back fingers whaaat??], then something called “slaying in the spirit”, and followed them all up with an apologetic “some people get freaked out by that stuff” as if I would be immediately abhorrent of such activities.
auradis 