I Would Do Anything For Love (But…)

May 22, 2009 § Leave a comment

It’s been a while since I’ve had a crush on somebody. The last one ended sometime during junior year of high school — it was a Korean guy one year older than me who I thought was really hot. Well, he had nice legs [he was a runner] and he looked decent when his hair covered his face, heh.

But I stalked him on MySpace and secretly hyperventilated when I saw him in the hallways. I don’t even think that he knew me, although I do remember that the one time we talked was when I walked into the band room after badminton practice one day to go to dress rehearsal, and he was in there practicing bells by himself. I glanced at him and pointed out that we were both wearing David Crowder Band shirts, and we shared a brief moment before I ran off to retrieve my clarinet.

I’ve never really understood the anatomy of a crush. It differs from person to person. For me, I’ve never had the guts to do anything about the boys that I’ve liked, mostly since I’ve never been friends with them to begin with — I’ve always admired from afar and squealed about it with my friends. Since a friendship never took root, a relationship was out of the picture. But since I didn’t really know whichever boy had my attention, I was never really interested in a relationship anyway.

This time, though, is different.

When I first met him last year, my first impression was that he was really cute. Since I was in a relationship, I didn’t think much further than that. We became Facebook friends that that was it. Sometime more recently, I found out through some thorough Facebook-checking that he has a girlfriend, and they seem happy together, although my stalking tells me that he’s been in and out of relationships…what a flirt! ;)

She wasn’t at the retreat this past week, though, and her absence probably helped this crush develop; I actually had the chance to talk to him for a short while at the retreat, which I enjoyed quite a bit. Although now songs like Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” make sense to me, I could never imagine trying to come between a couple; that kind of behavior is unacceptable. Yet, he’s so cute [tall, dark and handsome, mmm], friendly and funny. He wears clever t-shirts, plays drums [I’ve had a thing for drummers ever since dating J] and he’s invested in God’s kingdom. Formula for irresistibility, yes? And! He didn’t judge me for my illicit downloading activities! What a relief.

Ugh, I hate these feelings. This crush actually has potential because we’re actually friends, but he’s not available. What a PAIN. The cyberstalking, I can help, but the feelings are a little more difficult to eradicate. I didn’t even realize that I had the feelings until the third or fourth day of the retreat, which is when I started recognizing the symptoms of a crush. Normally I stare at cute guys for purely physical reasons, but then it dawned on me that I actually liked him. Gah!


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