Can You Handle This

April 28, 2009 § 2 Comments

The annual AAA variety show was two weeks ago. I was one of many performers; most of the acts were either dancing or singing. Congratulations were given at every turn, which led me to wonder just how much sincerity lay behind every “Great job!” or “You were amazing!”

While I can’t accuse anyone else of being artificial, I did honestly feel like I lied during some of the encouraging comments that I made after certain performances. For one reason or another, I was disappointed by people that I thought would sound better or could have more impressively utilized their talents.

Yet, how could I possibly voice my thoughts?

I don’t think I’d be able to tell even my closest friends if their performances were subpar unless they mentioned it first, and even then I’d probably choke on my criticism. Something like that is much more difficult for me to verbalize than an evaluation of, say, a friend’s clothing choice.

But I become highly critical when it comes to something that I consider myself good at. After the variety show, I wondered if I was the only one who didn’t enjoy certain performances to the utmost [will Simon Cowell please stand up?]. I feel like asking somebody else would only portray me as a [competitive/insecure] bitch, but it’s not like that. I just don’t like listening to poor singing, but I do believe I have higher standards in this area than the average person.

I suppose that when I’m completely honest with myself, I am a little bit competitive. Did the audience consider my performance better or worse than the others? Did they think that we all sounded the same?

Ugh. I hate these conundrums where I feel like I can’t ask anybody because nobody would really understand my perspective. Anyway I wish somebody would upload/send me a video of my performance! I’d like to see just how good or bad my singing sounded from the audience.

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§ 2 Responses to Can You Handle This

  • Julie says:

    i thought christyona already uploaded the video of you singing to facebook last week?

    • auradis says:

      she uploaded it the same day as this post, except hours afterward, since I posted this right past midnight.

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