auradis

For the uninitiated, this is part III of a trilogy in which I share parts of a journal I kept seven years ago. If you haven’t already, please read parts I and II first!

As usual, grammatical mistakes are unchanged and comments are made in brackets!

Mardi 11.18.2003 [I suddenly started formatting the dates differently]

Bernard likes Julia ewewew asked Julia 4 hug ewewew Julia better wash herself squeaky clean ewewew I wonder how she really feels ’bout him ewewEW!

Mercredi 11.19.2003

Larry’s stomach having “problems again tonight. I would say he does it from lack of attention, but I don’t think it’s that complicated. It could be indigestion…stupid thing RUNS in our family. Not much else happened today. One thing that DIDNT happen was me doing hw. There’s not enough time in a day to be a good student, a good Christian, AND addicted to GBA. [LOL.]

Samedi 11.22.2003

Eric Wang sleeping over wit Larry 2nite. Eric: 6th grd. Larry: 2 grd. Wow that’s weird. [Frankly, I never understood their friendship, and I’m not sure if even they did. I don’t think they talk anymore.]

Mercredi 11.26.2003

PARTAI! No Julia, No Lingyu. Owell the party must go on. We watched Matrix 2. Here’s list of characters [LOL THIS…]:

Neo: Jerry Lin
Trinity: Bailey Cao
Morpheus: Lucy Chen
Oracle: Chen Zhu
Seraph: Henry Ho
Agent Smith: Leo Hua
Twins: Me!
Other Agent (Agent Brown?): Yawen
Persophone: Bernard Hsu
Niobe: Wendy Yu
Capt. Butt-chin: Elijah Chung
Keymaker: Becca Shih
Persephone’s Hubby: Andy Chung
Azn w/ Per.’s Hubby: Ray

The ending was actually pretty good.

Dimanche 11.30.2003

Tried hard to not gain weight over break. It worked. So SORE from Turkey bowl yesterday, and I didn’t even do anything for my team. Chen tackled me once. I was totally afraid of getting tackled by Xixi, cuz she grabs ppl’s necks. She also clotheslined Yawen in the face when Yawen was trying to get up…Sherry was also a beast.

We got a Gamecube. When did my parents decide to do that??

Mardi 12.2.2003 (Vania Wang’s 17th bday!) [Why did I care??]

J’aime manger! <- I like to eat! heehee. 7 more days till Alan Liu’s bday. 9 more til Julie Kim’s. 2 more days til Crystal concert. Math test tomorrow, Part TWO! Took part 1 today. so hard.

I like Windwaker for GCN. Nice graphics, music plot. Mite borrow from Amanda — oh wait I have no memory card. Darnit. [Three years later, I finally bought a used copy of the game for myself. Four years later, I still haven’t beaten it. Oh well.]

Vendredi 12.5.2003   11:36PM

Today was a long day. Had to belay in gym again. Not fun. Arms were sore. Chen whacked Jon Chung in the…uh…groin… I wasn’t there to see it but she told us about it. Jee, I have great friends. Chen planned to go to the movies tomorrow … sometime this week she called Yawen. They called Jerry. Yawen thought Chen was gonna call me; and vice versa. […] So Chen told me tonite. I knew immediately that my mom wouldn’t let me go. But I hoped. But I was write. And she says that over Christmas I can go see movies if I want. But that’s not the point. I just wanna be w/ my buddies. And yeah rite I’ll go once she gets back my semester grades.

On the way back we were talking about love language. There’s service, gift, verbal, touch, and something else Chen couldn’t remember [quality time.] Chen and lucy are TOUCH. Yawen is…more service than anything else. I had no clue what I was but I definitely didn’t think I was TOUCH. Chen said I’m verbal. Guess she’s rite. I deliberately asked Alex. He said guys are more physical. Chen says they’re more verbal. It doesn’t matter. I’m not interested in guys.

Dimanche 12.7.2003   10:00PM

Eric slept over again last night. My mom should know Alan Shen by sight now. Forgot to talk to Alex. I miss daddy. Yawen’s waterbed gave me nightmares. Chen ate Jon Chung’s thing. And she likes French stick w/ syrup.

Bonus dream journal entry!

Dream Title [yes the journal really did ask for this]: Monster in the Pool (This dream was because of Yawen telling me about draining her waterbed and her gullible little brother asking her about sharks and fish in the bed.)

Scene 1:  I watched from above. The adults were draining a hotel pool in a hotel. The little boy kept pleading and yelling to the hotel manager, who was ignoring him. The little boy kept saying that there was a monster in the pool. Then after the pool was “drained”, there was another level below it filled w/ water, and a saw a huge dark shape swimming around in it.

Suddenly I was in me again, and me n my family were driving to this new waterpark thing/resort. There was a pool there (this is Scene 2 btw) and as soon as we came out of the hotel w/ our swimming stuff on, I gasped and was horrified. It was THE POOL, from Scene 1. The hotel had been remodeled, and for some sick reason, they used the same pool I knew that the monster was still in it.

Thankfully, nobody was in it, because it was the grand opening, and there was a water ballet show B4 it would actually be open. So ppl were gathered around to watch. I made Larry hold my hand because I was deathly afraid that he would run near the pool and accidentally slip and fall in.

I expressed my fears to my mom, but she kinda brushed me off. Then the ballerinas came. They were dressed in real ballerinas Tutus and shoes, for some reason, and they twirled around the pool Then the first one jumped in. There was a little commotion in the pool, and then I saw blood floating up to the surface. The ballerinas didn’t STOP, as if their lives depended on jumping in. Sick. And their expressions were hard, as if they were prepared to die.

So one by one they jumped in and got killed and eaten. The other people cheered and clapped, as if they didn’t notice at all. So nobody seemed to noticed except my mom, who left for a little while and came back with a pair of plastic handcuff things for Larry. She put one on him and told me to chain him to something solid. Why we didn’t leave, I don’t know.

So I went over to the bench on the side (of the pool), chained Larry to a rail, and put him on my lap. Then a little while later, the hotel manager announced that they would select ppl by raffle to pick ppl to jump into the pool, something of an honor/challenge. The Hotel manager mentioned/implied something about “getting out of the pool fast enough,” and I knew he knew about the monster.

However, the other people didn’t get it, so the raffle went on. Angelica Pickles got picked first. (NO CLUE…) She, being the sneaky one, sneaked off to the central control tower. I sorta “went out of my body” and watched her. Then she came on over the PA w/ a man’s voice, but I knew it was her. She said there had been a mistake, and “Laura and Larry had gotten picked instead.”

Then everyone was pressuring and forcing us to do it, and I had a flash of thought that maybe I’d had this dream before, and somehow it transferred to my dream self of this happening the year before, a memory. So I started yelling at my parents and the manager and the authorities that this was what happened a year ago, and I was all pissed… then I woke up.

Juedi 12.11.03 Julie Kim’s Bday [This is the last entry before a brief attempt to use the journal as a food diary lol]

Math quiz tomorrow + bio brochure due + English essay. no time. study!

OH. Amanda has never been abused.

The first and most critical component of raising successful kids is having good parents. Not necessarily Christian, cuz in some parents it makes no difference, such as in Amanda’s case & mine. And my mom has the nerve to go tell her firends she missed out on having “smart and talented” kids. It’s true, but not all my fault, especially not Larry’s.

And B4 I took a shower today, I was thinking ’bout how I should do my hair usually. Lotsa ppl say I should put it up more: Julie, Ally, Mom, etc. But I like it down. So I decided to ask Lucy, since I see her the most w/ the exception of my family. But then I thought, no wait, Not my family. Only my mom and Larry. If there was a list of ppl I see more than my dad, it’d probably be about 100 ppl long. How sad.

Find Part I here!

This segment picks up in November of 2003, at which point I was a freshman in high school, struggling with Honors Algebra II Trig and having lots of crushes on lots of boys. I’m not including a lot of the stuff about boys because it is just too embarrassing LOL [& irrelevant].

As usual, grammatical mistakes are unchanged and comments are made in brackets!

Mardi 11/4/03

I got a 24/30 on my math quiz. I thought for sure I woulda gotten 6/30 … But Amanda got 21, Julia: 11, Lucy: 22, Bing: 19. I was proud of myself 4 doing better but not enuf to tell my parents. After all, a B- is still a B-.

Jeudi 11/6/03

I put sum (actually a lot) of that cherry perfume stuff in my hair this morning, for lack of something new to do. Then I looked at the ingredients. The first thing listed was ALCOHOL. I was like, wow. Went around smelling like booze all day. Ick. Good thing nobody else noticed. I feel so…blah…nobody talks to me. Bobby Wei, Carson, ppl online, the person whose sn is Hareluya74 that I suspect (but not hope) is Marco…

I think Alan Shen needs to get over me now…I mean, if he only looked like his beautiful bro …ah…

Kevin Yamashita found a picture of Mr. McCoskey online [he was our World History teacher as well as a track coach], taken probably 6 years ago when he was 20. He said he found it by typing “Tim McCoskey” on Google. I gotta try it. The pic was FUNNEE. [You can see it here.]

Vendredi 11/7/03

NO SCHOOL TODAY. Parent/teacher confs not good, cuz my parents only talked to Dwyer. Cleaned my room, so proud of miself. Daddy’s leaving Sunday. I can’t believe it. [I didn’t know that I actually missed my dad when he left on business trips.] Dentist tomorrow. Alex was @ Friday nite tonite, went wit us. Yay. Altho I wish he’d talk more … can’t think of enuff things to talk to him bout. Sat next to him during worship, he wasn’t even singing. Ah well… Richard was…implying things? At least not to me.

Alan Shen was being…obsessed over me??? Trying to memorize my phone #. If he calls me I’mma beat him up. He needs to stand up straight like his bro, or else he looks fat. But I know Alex is thin…sigh…and I know I’m not! [LOLOL.]

Samedi 11/8/03

Daddy’s leaving tomorrow morning. He might not be back for thanksgiving, and we’re having a party. (hope Alex is invited??) He might not be back for xmas. He might not be back for my baptism. SILENCE …

I didn’t see Alex today. I know it’s wrong, but my life is starting to revolve round guys again. What to wear. How I feel. Things like that.

Random quotation I wrote on the side of a page [probably from a book]:

“Nobody eats more than Midwesterners; it’s why they’re so fat.”

Lundi 11/10/03

AHHH I’M GONNA SEVERELY HURT JERRY LIN!! It was all my fault…I shouldn’t have given Alen Shen Jerry’s sn but I didn’t know they were, like, GOOD friends! ARRR!!!

So I went online. Alan immediately IM’d me, asked 4 Jerry Lin’s sn. I gave it to him. Then he was telling me to go to turkey bowl, and I was telling him how me n Yawen were hiding in the Kohmobile being cold and hungry. Then he said I could hide in HIS car, and I asked him when that would be. He said “in 4 years” and I told him I’d be in college.

He then said I should go to Tokyo University, making me all confused. Turns out he was talking about Love Hina!! err….rr.. As if we would ever fall in love. GR. Then he went on about us getting married and naming our first kid Kyle (why did I be so stupid last year?!) And I was talking to Jerry at the same time, and then Jerry said something about Tokyo. And I froze. I’m stupid, but not SLOW.

WHY was Alan talking to Jerry?? ARRR!! So Jerry kept making comments about me and Alan getting married EW EW EWW!!! Then priority #2 [my brother] said he was hungry, cuz mom had conferences. Eheh. So I had to go.

Vendredi 11/14/03 (HALF-DAY)

Agh so tired. I actually finished ALL my hw today. Wow. Talked to Martin, he did Marijuana over summer I was like, eww.

Nobody @ church 2day. Alex @ partai. Alan…eh, hu cares. Mr. Dwyer brought his guitar 2 math class 2day. Sang stupid songs for us, but then sang a kinda worship song for us that I loved. He said he wrote it. Ah… [I think he quit teaching math after that year, became a Spanish teacher, then went off to do missionary work.]

Anyways Mom drove us to church today so she stayed 4 adult bible study AHH embarrassing … and I hate it when I’m talking to my friends on the car and she just interrupts. I HATE IT. I’m never touching another potato chip again! I gotta promise myself. Totally binged tonite during small group. Quiet time. Tired.

Dimanche 11/16/03

Britney said she’s getting baptized this Christmas, 2. Yay. Xixi’s not, cuz she’s suddenly goin on vacation to NY. Aw…

Alan Shen bein a dork 2day. Feel repulsed around him…dont really understand. Mebbe cuz he’s not a prettyboy…but, well. [Perhaps I should mention here that he and I ended up going to Homecoming together and pseudo-dating for a while a year later >_>]

Becca says she got btized in 6th grade, @ another church. for someone hu is, she sure don’t act like it. Not that I should talk. Sometimes I remind myself of that horrible lady in “Fighting Temptations,” and I don’t like it. Today my mom reminded me more of it tho. She wuz talkin on the phone wit some other sunday school teacher lady and was saying how somebody was changed by God, but could still use some more changing, and I was like NO FUCK, MOM! Every1 needs to be refined, and she’s not perfect either. And then she talks about how much she can volunteer as a SS teacher, which reminds me of what I heard once about how you can do good deeds all your life but still be a bad Christian inside. And my mom was TRYING to sound modest but failing horribly. GRR.

Lundi 11/17/03

Ahh I love my mommy ok? Every1 has faults and she…well…see I woke up late this morning, actually she woke me up, then had to drive me there, and I got there wit 5 minutes to spare, and she wasn’t mad. ♥