Are You Ready To Get Back To Work?

November 9, 2012 § 1 Comment

The last — and possibly first and only — movie that my parents, brother and I watched in a movie theater together was Casino Royale. It was Thanksgiving week of my senior year of high school, and because I was working part-time at the theater, I could get free tickets for myself and my parents.

Thanks to my rising social media influence (LOL) on Klout, I scored free tickets to an advanced screening of Skyfall, which I braved wind, rain and snow to see on Wednesday night. Below, I spell out my thoughts and give or take points for excellence, logic, etc. in the style of Vulture’s Gossip Girl recaps.

SPOILERS AHEAD >>>

  • I hope your theater cheered when Bond first appears in the hallway. We got to watch that part twice because the people upstairs were having technical difficulties. It was exciting both times. +1
  • The opening chase scene was very thrilling — what’s more old school than a fight on top of a moving train? It also reminds us that Bond is a man who will do anything to succeed at his job, including destroying a lot of VW Beetles. +5
  • “Take the bloody shot!” Was M always this ruthless? :( no points
  • Where exactly did the opening scene take place? Don’t they usually tell us? Sorry I’m not cultured enough to recognize it automatically. -2
  • I think the impact of the theme song would’ve been better if I hadn’t listened to it a million times before seeing this movie. Still, hearing Adele through theater surround sound is the next best thing to hearing her live. +10
  • Loved the way the fall segued into the animation. The hypnotic opening makes me forget all the analysis I’ve read about Bond being a psychopath and all that. I just want to belieeeeeeve! +5
  • Was Craig’s hair always this…militaristic? I hate the crew cut. -5
  • Whenever I see Ralph Fiennes, I always marvel that the makeup artists for Harry Potter were able to make his prominent British nose disappear. Seriously, I think that every time. Seeing Voldemort in high-waisted trousers and suspenders was silly. +1
  • Bond disappearing to some remote tropical place to hang out in bed (and along walls) with a totally unnamed woman who basically worships his biceps (I don’t blame her). +1
  • A tiki bar that serves scorpions by night and plays international news during the day: HAHAHA no. -5 
  • Bond being sulky and unkempt in M’s flat. +5
  • Okay, Range Rover, I see you. no points
  • Of course today’s supervillains are hackers. +5
  • Bond’s getting old, and everybody reminds him of it. The message and metaphors can be a bit much (we get it!). -2
  • Wow…Q’s hair is f l a w l e s s. Full of volume and not a strand out of place. +5
  • Let me get this straight: Bond gets shot twice in the movie, but he appears to have just one wound on his right side, out of which he digs the remnants of the bullet from the assassin. What happened to the wound from when Eve accidentally shot him off a bridge?? -10
  • Love love LOVE the use of neon blue in Shanghai. Such gorgeous glass landscapes, though the sequence of Bond stalking the killer was just a tad too long. Still, +20
  • Bond finally getting a shave. +1
  • Soo we’re going to see Bérénice Lim Marlohe in a lot more movies from now on, right? (I HOPE!!!) +10
  • Too bad smoking hasn’t been sexy for three decades. -5
  • Komodo dragons eat people?! +2 for facts learned, -2 for weak CGI
  • I think each sexual (barely even “sex”) scene in this film lasted approximately three seconds. They were so short that I almost wondered if they were being censored. -3 (Did the shower scene remind anyone else of Eva Green’s traumatized Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale?)
  • Hey, is that Hashima Island? Oh, China has a lot of empty cities too? Okay then. Cool setting, though I wonder if a cybervillian wouldn’t prefer a more high-tech place to hang out? no points
  • Shame on me for never having seen Javier Bardem in a film before and therefore not recognizing him. Do his uneven nostrils bother other people, or is it just me? His flamboyant character and that scene with Bond in the chair, though… +15
  • Really? They’re just going to throw Sévérine away like that? Her character genuinely seemed to have some substance; what a waste. And why would a gay cyberterrorist need to keep a sex slave who deals art on the side? Makes no sense. -10
  • “Silva” and “silver” sound the same in British, so I thought the guy’s name was the latter the whole time. Also, are the agents saying “Yes, ma’am” or “Yes, mum”? Heh. -1
  • At some point, the film threatens to become a war of the nerds, rendering Bond an irrelevant brute, but then it turns out that Q is kind of useless. I mean, what does he do other than invent a tiny radio and a gun that doesn’t actually get to kill anyone? Other skills include typing a lot and somehow magically tracking Bond using Silva’s secret decoded map. Um…okay. -15
  • Watching Daniel Craig run > watching Tom Cruise run. +3
  • Is keeping a highly dangerous prisoner in a glass container really a good idea? Did MI6 learn nothing from The Avengers? Can they get some steel cages or maybe a lock with a key?? -10
  • Police officers and security guards always look bad in these movies; they can’t manage to protect anyone. -5
  • “Orphans always make the best recruits.” +1
  • Bond, M and gamekeeper Kincade preparing booby traps like they’re in an adult Home Alone film. +10
  • What is the purpose of Silva’s terrorist organization if his only ostensible goal seems to be killing M? Like, seriously, what do his lackeys think they’re signing up for when they work for this guy? And why does a hacker need so many gunsmen anyway? -5
  • What provokes Bond’s rage? Blowing up his favorite car. +1
  • Silva has some serious mommy issues, but for good reason. After a while, I honestly lost sympathy for M. If she so screwed her agent over, then she should face her fate/past instead of having Bond jump through all these hoops (and blowing up his childhood house wtf) for her. But I guess parents do play favorites. :( Even surrogate parents. -15
  • M dies from blood loss because some grunt shot her in the buttcheek. Seriously. -100

I guess I was too harsh with the scoring because the total score came out to -97. HAHA, oops. That doesn’t reflect my overall impression of the movie, though. It was intense and enjoyable, and the more I think and reflect about it, the more I like it. There’s some great action and of course, the cerebral, existential crises of both Bond and M. Craig’s Bond takes himself seriously, and now with the introduction of Q, Moneypenny and a new M, things are going to get all the more serious.

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§ One Response to Are You Ready To Get Back To Work?

  • I believe the British pronounce “ma’am” as “marm” – closer to “mum” than we’re used to.

    I have to add too, the DB5 (the “old” car) is a throwback to the Connery bond days; also – Q’s reference to an “exploding pen” was a humorously nice touch.

    The Moneypenny scene brings the franchise full circle – i.e. Connery – Brosnan used to waltz into M’s office, throw his hat on the rack and flirt with Moneypenny until called into the office by M.

    This also marks the beginning of a new “M” cycle – a male is back in the role after having been out of it for the better part of 15 years (the span of Dame Judi Dench’s tenure).

    Also, fun fact: When Silva says – “I was her favorite agent from (x year to x year) that was a reference to the longest time in between Bond movies (A license to Kill – Timothy Dalton to Goldeneye – Pierce Brosnan)

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