Why Am I Not Watching This Show?

May 15, 2009 § Leave a comment

Oh, right, because NO modeling reality show is worth watching without the HBIC, Tyra Banks!

After the jump, some [NSFW] pictures from Make Me A Supermodel. From what I can tell, it looks like the male version of American’s Next Top Model? If you click the link to the whole gallery, be warned that some of them are actually kind of ugly [and one of them really really needs to mow the lawn, figuratively]. What! Get them off this show!

And if you are under 17, don’t you dare click on either the link above or below, because I promise you it’ll bore your underaged eyes to tears. If you are a straight man or a lesbian, this probably won’t do much for you either. And if you struggle or have struggled with a sex or porn addiction, then you should probably just leave now. Go check your email or something.

I’m generally attracted to only Asian guys in real life, but as you will see from this list, I’m not too picky when it comes to eye candy.

This picture brings to mind this song, which I didn’t hear until recently because that “I’m On A Boat” song was so incredibly stupid that I swore off the Lonely Island for life…until the catchy bass of “Jizz In My Pants” got to me. Drat! Anyway, I saw this photo, and I…yeah. Next!

Okay, I was going to post more from the gallery, but then I realized that they were way more inappropriate than I would like for this blog. Go look at them on your own time! On the other hand, I might as well post pictures of all of the men on the web that have caught my eye. Yum.

Oooh, Jake Gyllenhaal‘s big, non-Persian biceps.

Jake G

No idea who this guy is but he’s somehow connected to Battlestar Galactica.

Battlestar

I also have no idea who Craig Horner is, but his torso is lovely.

craig horner

Hellooo Matthew Goode. I have mixed feelings about him because from some angles he exudes seduction, but from others he just looks like a regular white guy.

Matthew Goode

Tyson Ritter always lights my candle, even when he has clothes on — he is my dirty, rock star fantasy. I think this was from some magazine; an ad campaign, perhaps? Must be. Check out the size of that watch.

Tyson Ritter

Oh my gosh, who is Kelly Osbourne’s fiancé and where can I get me one?

Kelly Osbourne's Man

Those cheekbones! Those blue eyes [or are they green? Can’t tell, don’t care]! Also, I really like platinum blond hair, as long as it looks shiny and healthy. So shiny…but yes, it does look awful on Kelly. Just look away. Apparently his name is Luke Worrell and he’s a model. Go figure. Holy crap! He’s half a year younger than me! Uhh . . .

BONUSES:

I love love love Anderson Cooper — he is a sexy FOX. But I guess seeing him in the light of the studio is vastly different from what we get in the glaring light of day!

HAHAHA. His legs are sooo white! They remind me of one of my cousins in China; on a trip there a few summers ago, I remember her absolute refusal to wear shorts or tank tops despite the heat because she equated paleness with beauty. She pulled up a leg of her pants once in a restaurant to show me how white she was underneath, and that was probably the closest I’ve ever gotten to a ghost — her skin was literally white. Just like Anderson Cooper’s!

In contrast, I would like for John Legend to be my smooth chocolate lover. His music is amazing and he looks dang fine in whatever he wears. Unfortunately, it seems like I would prefer him with clothes on rather than off. The fleeting glimpse I got from his new music video was pretty titillating though. Maybe it’s the lighting…

johnlegend

He somehow made it onto Time Magazine‘s list of 100 Most Influential People of 2009. First of all, 2009 isn’t even half over yet [but holy crap, it’s going by fast]! And also, what do they mean by influential? John Legend makes some good music, but the only thing that’s influenced me to do is to download his album and watch his music videos. That word always confuses me.

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